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I hate geese. Feathers absolutely gross me out. The one with its neck sticking up had the nerve to gawk/quack at me as I walked by on a sunny day in a suburb of Minneapolis. I walked closer to intimidate it with the noise and flash of my camera, hoping it would think my camera was a gun. I wanted it to think I was shooting at him when I took this picture, hoping in the dark corner of my little heart that it would run away like the scared little b*tch it was. 
But my camera did not flash, and the dumb geese didn't even hear the noise - stupid deaf bird. Ugly, stupid, deaf bird. I was going to throw a rock at him so I bent down to look for one. ONLY TO FIND THIS: 
What's this you ask?! Take a closer look: 
GEESE CRAP. That's what it was. I had stepped all over it. I was so grossed out I ran away like a little b*tch and had nightmares of geese feathers and crap for days. Only by telling this story on my xanga can I be set free. | | |
| last week i was bitten by a swan and it hurt. i'm not kidding. there were two swans in the lobby of the hotel i was staying at: samson and delilah. i reached over to pet samson on the head and it bit me. normally i make a moutain out of a molehill. i would have proceeded to scream and report the incident to a manager but rationality took ahold of me. i decided to keep this little incident to myself and seek vengence on my own terms. after like 20 minutes of trying to lure samson over with my blueberry muffin, all the while trying to look inconspicuous in the hotel lobby, my moment of retribution arrived. stupid samson waded over......AND I POKED HIM IN THE EYE WITH MY PEN. stupid swan. i felt real good about myself afterwards   
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| no matter how old i am, i always manage to find myself hoed out at an asian party! oh and here's me flashing the camera with my ass. yay! b-day pics to come.... 
here's howard ho's hamster also flashing the camera with her ass! 
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| i've interned in the city many summers and have been working as a geisha here for over two years now; only this wkend did i go to brooklyn for the very first time in my entire life. boroughs have always scared me. they're full of poor ppl and poor ppl spread diseases. slowly though, i've overcome my fear of economically challenged neighborhoods and dirty ppl with the help of friends. patty held my hand in mongkok, HK. i tattled behind nina in chinatown nyc (often complaining about ugly ppl). petula, grace and jenny showed me the way to cheap pedicures and korean hair salons in flushing, and mas, howard, mandy, connie, alex and justin showed me a good time at empty bars and dark restauarnts in williamsburg brooklyn. i'm happy i wasn't mugged/raped/harrassed/robbed/shot. and no twelve year old tried to sell me crack. williamsburg crooklyn wasn't so horrible afterall. yay boroughs! yay ghetto neighborhoods and racial diversity! jk. i would never go to the bronx in a million years (unless there was a capybara in the zoo). | | |
| Yul makes me so proud of asian men. He's smart, athletic, loyal and kind. he deserves like Helen of Troy, or yours truly of Ithaca. haha. most other asian men deserve... 
It's really quite stunning how EVERY guy i know thinks he deserves a smart and beautiful girl. No, chigger you don't. Let me help you figure out what you do deserve. Before you approach a girl, first answer to yourself. honestly. how much do i make? how tall am I? Use the matrix below. Help me help you. 
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